tertidur dalam kereta
Saodah tertidur seketika ketika berada di dalam kereta yang dipandu oleh kekasihnya lalu bermimpi.Dia bermimpi yang mereka berdua sudah berkahwin dan mempunyai 3 orang Anak. Mereka hidup aman bahagia sehinggalah Saodah mengetahui yg suaminya itu bermain kayu 3 dan mempunyai perempuan simpanan. Bereka bertengkar...Saodah : Ooo dulu bukan main janji Sehidup semati.Suami dia : Ala, jgn la marah Dah.Tiba-tiba Saodah Mengigau lalu menjerit"HANTAR SAYA BALIK RUMAH MAK BAPAK SAYA!!!!"Dengan selamba, kekasihnya yg masih memandu tadi berkata"Ye la, kan tiap-tiap hari saya fetch awak balik opis, nak hantar kemana lagi kalau bukan rumah mak bapak awak?"
When Chinese Speak An English
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? ( anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent..
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what'sthis urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan ( no one ) was
involved in an accident.. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being
sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, thenthe accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don'thave time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry.. Now give me your name!!
kata lawan
Murid-murid: Selamat pagi, cikgu.
Cikgu:Mengapa selamat pagi saja?Petang dan malam, awak doakan saya takselamatkah?
Murid-murid: Selamat pagi, petang dan malam,cikgu!
Cikgu: Panjang sangat tu! Tak pernah pun dibuatoleh orang lain! Katakan saja selamat sejahtera!Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan inimeliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
Murid-murid: Selamat sejahtera, cikgu!
Cikgu: Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Cikgu nak buat kata berlawan hari ni. kamu kena jawab cepat.
Murid-murid: Faham, cikgu!
Cikgu: Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
Murid-murid: (senyap)
Cikgu: Pandai!
Murid-murid: Bodoh!
Cikgu: Tinggi!
Murid-murid: Rendah!
Cikgu: Jauh!
Murid-murid: Dekat!
Cikgu: Keadilan!
Murid-murid: UMNO!
Cikgu: Salah!
Murid-murid: Betul!
Cikgu: Bodoh!
Murid-murid: Pandai!
Cikgu: Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Ini adalah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu: Mati aku!
Murid-murid: Hidup kami!
Cikgu: Rotan baru kamu tau!
Murid-murid: Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu: Malas aku nak mengajar kamu semua!
Murid-murid: Rajin kami tak belajar cikgu!
Cikgu: Kamu gila!
Murid-murid: Kami siuman!
Cikgu: Cukup! Cukup!
Murid-murid: Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu: Sudah! Sudah!
Murid-murid: Belum! Belum!
Cikgu: Mengapa kamu semua ini bodoh sangat?
Murid-murid: Sebab kami semua itu pandai sikit!
Cikgu: Oh! Melawan!
Murid-murid: Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu: Kurang ajar!
Murid-murid: Cukup belajar!
Cikgu: Habis aku!
Murid-murid: Kekal kami!
Cikgu: O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid-murid: K.O. Pegajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu: Sudah, bodoh!
Murid-murid: Belum, pandai!
Cikgu: Berdiri!
Murid-murid: Duduk!
Cikgu: Saya kata UMNO salah!
Murid-murid: Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
Cikgu: Bangang kamu ni!
Murid-murid: Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu: Rosak!
Murid-murid: Baik!
Cikgu: Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
Murid-murid: Kami dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu: (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar dari kelas)..
lawak ah beng
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,"My Mobile No. Has changed.Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"
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Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
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Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
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Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
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Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,Oh GOD! U have come again.
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Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
h Beng : "I was watching TV news..."
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Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement."
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How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it wouldbe hot.
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Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up andSays "Hello, how did you know I was here?"
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Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?===================================================
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"
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Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."
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A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and notin the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM
